Blog, Round 2:

The last time I posted regularly on a website predated common use of the term 'blog'. I hate the word, if not the idea.

So I'm finally starting up again for two reasons. First, I'm about to graduate, and I feel like it might be smart to write down some of my thoughts and perspectives at this point in case they decide to change quickly and radically, as I they do. Second, I'm about to leave the warm, nurturing embrace (which is the polite way of saying cruel, vice-like grip) of the United States to seek my fortune in far away lands. There may be some of you out there who care about me, maybe even some who will miss me, and this 'web log', if you will, is for you misled fools as much as it is for me.

So, to begin.

Recently I've been thinking a lot about how people's perceptions of me affect who I am. It's very Heisenberg; the fact that you're watching me changes what you're seeing. I was thinking about it from the perspective of fashion, the idea that the clothes that I wear and the way I look have a very immediate impact on my behavior. I think a part of that is because of the differences in the way other people see me and interact with me, which seems common enough. I sort of like having to fight harder for respect when my hair is pink, and I like the surprised look that old people have when the kid with the funny hair is actually pretty fucking smart. I think people perceiving me as rebellious encourages me, at least a little bit, to actually be rebellious in the same way that dressing off the shelf at Wal Mart for a couple of years led me to shut the hell up and be boring. Another, maybe equal part of the change in my behavior is probably driven by personally feeling different. During my stint in theater it was always amazing to me how changed the first rehearsal with costumes was from the one immediately prior.

I haven't decided quite what content I'm going to include here, and for that reason my name has been left off the site and I won't be giving the url to my parents any time soon. The title, "Lei Nuo", is my Chinese name, which translates roughly to "Portends Thunder". I've always been a fan of Native American names, or names that contain meaning from other cultures. Sure, they pop up from time to time in English, but broadly speaking any meaning has been lost in depths of translation. Adam, for example, is Hebrew for 'man', which makes perfect sense, but no one thinks of it. Albert is from the German Adalbrecht, from 'adal', noble, and 'beraht', bright (or 'bright nobility'). A quick Google search told me that our names do indeed have meaning, but they've been convolved and forgotten. In Chinese the modern day language goes straight into the names. You are Bright Flower, or Strong Hero. I didn't choose my Chinese name, but I'm happy and I'm keeping it.

I've recently realized that I don't like a lot of the ways that I've changed since I got to college. A lot of them have been positive. Mellowing, if you will. But the mellowing means that the sharp edges that I look back on and smile about have been ground down. I'm not proposing that I become who I was in high school, just that I might be able to learn something from who I was and maybe regain some of what I miss. With my impending graduation and 7000 mile move I feel like I have a golden opportunity to reinvent myself, and so I'm taking it. I bought cherry red Doc Marten's. I pierced my eyebrow. It's superficial, but it's a start. And, to go along with the new person there's a new name, too. One that, if you will, suggests that just maybe a storm's a comin'.